Goodbye Marci

 So I lost my 4th budgie today. This morning, mom wanted to play with him and took him out of his cage, but he got scared and flew into the big room where the window was slightly open. He normally never flew there, so mom wasn't careful enough. Then we tried to follow him for hours, we took his cage, took two ladders because he was on a nearby tree at reachable height, I kept calling him and did everything I could, but still... Before I lost sight of him, I managed to get so close to him I could reach him with my hand. I tried to slowly reach my hand up to him, but he got scared and flew away. That was the last time I saw him.
I had him for only 2 years. My younger aunt brought him to us in September 2 years ago, after my grandmother passed away and our previous budgie died because of some kind of tumour earlier in the same year. He was very wild and scared in the first year, but then he started growing attached to me. He liked only me, just like my first budgie. It was only during this last spring, when he started becoming tame. In fact, it was only a few weeks ago, when he became brave enough to freely come out and go back to his cage. He learned to fly on my hand when I called him. He couldn't talk, but we taught him to "give kisses" and he usually started doing it when he saw me, haha! He was also chirping and chattering in his own bird language a lot, it somehow made the apartment more cheerful. He was really cute and I started growing attached to him too. But now I hate myself for taming him this much. It hurts, I feel this empty space inside that hurts. I keep thinking that he's now very scared, hungry and lost and he will die miserably either starved to death, frozen to death or killed by a cat and I'm unable to do anything for him... Marci, you stupid, stupid little bird. You were always so stupid. I can only hope now that you won't have to suffer too much.
I'll get over it, but I feel horrible right now.