I got in a fight with 1 of the 2 people who actually matter to me. Last night I told her something stupid I meant as a joke, but she misinterpreted it and thought I suggested her suicide. This is horrible. I could never... tell somebody to like... kill themselves.
I nearly forgot about this incident by the morning but I went to apologize to her (I didn't even think I hurt her but it doesn't matter what I think if she feels hurt, right?) and only that's when I realized she thought I'd told her to kill herself. I was so utterly shocked and angry at myself that I made the whole situation worse by yelling at her right after I apologized for yesterday. I yelled that she doesn't get it and she misinterpreted my words. But you can't explain anything to her. If you say something to her and she interprets it one way, then that one way is the only correct way to her, everything else is a lie and just you trying to wash yourself clean of guilt.
Now I cried my eyes out and don't know what to do.
I nearly forgot about this incident by the morning but I went to apologize to her (I didn't even think I hurt her but it doesn't matter what I think if she feels hurt, right?) and only that's when I realized she thought I'd told her to kill herself. I was so utterly shocked and angry at myself that I made the whole situation worse by yelling at her right after I apologized for yesterday. I yelled that she doesn't get it and she misinterpreted my words. But you can't explain anything to her. If you say something to her and she interprets it one way, then that one way is the only correct way to her, everything else is a lie and just you trying to wash yourself clean of guilt.
Now I cried my eyes out and don't know what to do.
The situation went like this:
I was having a random chit-chat conversation with mom and we talked about time and life and the tiny happy moments we should appreciate. The person I had a fight with overheard and when I said how beautiful the rainbow was and how I love the chirping of little birds, she said "Yeah right, it was fucking beautiful." in a super sarcastic tone. I got a little offended and jokingly told her "Haha, wow! If I was as optimistic as you, I'd have jumped off of a bridge by now!" then we left the conversation at that and continued what we were doing. Now I realize it was rude of me to say that, but I never considered she'd interpret this as me telling her to kill herself. Damnit. This was all about me. I said I'd jump off of a bridge because I'm a shitty pessimistic person with close to zero self-esteem. If I stopped appreciating and being happy about the small things around me, then there would be nothing left for me to live for. This is what I intended to mean. But she thought I meant "if I were like you, I'd kill myself = go kill yourself".
I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry I'M SORRY
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